We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
