maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize