If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
