I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
