What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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