wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize