Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
