i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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