One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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