Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
