Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
