I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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