No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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