living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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