and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
