ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
