Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
