I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
