You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize