I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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