I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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