As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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