I can tuck mytits in my pants
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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