What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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