I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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