Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
