I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
