Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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