Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
