i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
