I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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