just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
