Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
