normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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