Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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