what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
