please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
