Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
