she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
