You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
