I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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