what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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