yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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