Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
