Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
