My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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