He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
God, I missed his penis.
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