I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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