the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Mom said you looked used
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
