yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
