Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
