I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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