I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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