i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
