THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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