Life is so much better after having sex.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
