Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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