so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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