Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
