New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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