I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
