You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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