Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
