he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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