he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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