And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
