I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Enjoy the penises
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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