Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
