Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
