my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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