I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My bed smells like the plague
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
