I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
