so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
