You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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