wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
