the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
