Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
