No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
