I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
