Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
