Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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