I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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