How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
