was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
worst night to have a conscience
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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